Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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