So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
