This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize