Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
