I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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