Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize