last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
