All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
