i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
