Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize