Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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