I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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