i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
