Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
