I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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