sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
