I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
