The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
