when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i will never coherently bang her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
