I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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