i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
