how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
