Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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