just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
