i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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