White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
