I wish I could teleport
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
