She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
