8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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