shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
birth control should be required to get into college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
