Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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