If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
