So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
