yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize