I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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