I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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