smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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