I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
