decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
