bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
