you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
