The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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