Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
