ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
