They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize