i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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