A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
