I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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