I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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