He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
