Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
