Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
