Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
