I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize