JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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