I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
