I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
