we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
