I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
