And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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