Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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