Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
