I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
