you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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