I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
