could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
