I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize