you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
