Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she smelled like a LAN party
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
