mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my shit smells like andre
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
