so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
