My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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